What should I write now?

I don't know, what should I write now. May be about myself or else about these days (sorry, these years). Well, if I start from any point of my past I have to carefully divide the days into pre- & post- quitting the job. The job at which I was comfortably settled and respectfully paid was deliberately left by me to explore those unending whirls of life. And while exploring those amazing whirls I totally lost the point of exploration. From then it was the power of the whirl which thrown me into many, many such embarassing moments where every time I shied away from the scene and solaced myself to overcome one day. To overcome one day, but when? by the time anything would be left for me to look back and feel relieved? I know that day won't come and over coming may not happen. Not in despair but in pure consciousness I am writing this that one day may not come forever. That hope to win has gone. That hope to conquer has vanished. Whatelse left is the body of flesh as I am.   

republic of Padmanabham

REPUBLIC OF PADMANABHAM

             Now I am free I don’t have any exam tensions or any classroom phobias. I am away from all these dustbin relations. I passed my first year M. Pharmacy exams and all I have to do now is, complete the project and runaway from here. It’s time to check my luck. I am prepared or not who cares already it’s late. I have to justify myself for choosing biology stream. How long hurdle days after intermediate were. Dreamt of something and chosen something else.

Joined intermediate with all expectations, as if I am going to top that year. Nothing in mind only plans, that is all only plans. Plans filled my box giving no space to allow the science. Days passed planning all the time by then the damage had occurred. Given exams without preparations accepted results without hesitation in view of the fact that cannot go to day one and start out from the scratch to top. But I learnt to browse and browsed everything which was not related to become a doctor. Finally I found B.Tech Biotech, searched all possibilities in Google and decided to join and make changes in basics of biology. This was my dream No. 2 after my successful failure of topping the exam. Very quickly my destiny was written to become a Pharmacist in Tamilnadu.

After shattered dreams one after another I decided not to dream again and a major change seen in me in this course of time was I lost belief in “god”. It doesn’t mean it happened due to my disturbed career plans. It just happened, to this date I think it was one of such things which had made all the difference in me. My thinking was ordinary from then. Whatever the difficulties use to be, I never felt something superpower will push me out of it like before. My analysis of life was very systematic I wanted to refer back my way of success if I succeed. Hence I use to recall the same thing of any happiness of mine to track it again and again. This was my new psychic condition leading to my next third failure, I didn’t given my 1^st year exams well and I thank *** for those grace marks I got. From then slowly everything seems to me was O.K and handy. This four year course time was the real transition phase of mine. I controlled my plans and given little space to science in my box. Moreover I completely became ATHEIST. Then I realized the power in me was myself.

Realizations are not answers for all questions; life still tests your zeal to fight it. Exactly but tests are not to fight they are to be answered. Due to my exultant failures I lost confidence which is very much required to poor, average and imperfect masses like me. Losing confidence also made the difference. My satire & attire were not correlated. The reasons seemed out of reach. Lately came to know evaporating reserves throws you insecure and uncertain. 

my slice of bhajji...........

Hi….

Now this is like dream come true. Yes I loved it like anything. I had my feelings for it. I had my plans for it. I had everything for it except the way to get it. Let me recap those days of my passionate love towards technology.

 I first saw the computer in my school when I was in fifth standard. It was the reopening day of school and school fees were intimating to students with addition of computer fees, this excited us as if we were going to see something new. Almost everyone paid I think so and one day we were called to computer lab which is far away from our regular classrooms. It was kept far because it was the only concrete roofed rooms we had in our school. We were taken to the lab with all earlier instructions on do’s and don’ts in lab. One of those was to remove our shoes before entering in to the lab, we all did it in style as if we were going to the temple. I don’t know the logic behind it. Then entered into the lab with all expectations. It was a big dark room, from the entrance everyone were eager to see computers but there was only one computer. Monitor was like white box arranged over the CPU. We crowded around it and sir instructed to sit down and he went on explaining parts of computer and so on. I listened it a while later lost concentration and went into my dreams as usually. This continued for two months and the systems repair made us permanently to be away from computer lab.

Thereafter it took two years to see computer again it was in Nellore, here when I was paying my computer fees I felt what happened to me in earlier. But it was good the computer lab had many computers in 4:1 ratio and is fixed with air condition. Firstly I learned to switch on the computer then handling mouse and started painting something on screen. Thus it went for four good years. By the end of schooling I learned how to switch on the computer and some very basics in operating, that’s all.

In 11^th and 12^th I had never seen computer again. It happens to every student in Andhra self mounted pressure on them. After all hurdles before joining B.Pharmacy I used to go browsing centers in Srikalahasti.

Then in B.Pharm 2^nd year I had computer application and biostatistics subject for which we had university lab exam. For this we were attending computer lab, one day I experienced continous four hour browsing and this made me to think influence of internet on us. Later browsing long hours were continued quiet oftenly.

Next part of my touch towards computer was completely because of my project guide Dr. M. Alvin Jose, man who made me to sit before systems and browse daily. Anyhow I used most of my project fund for browsing and printouts. At end of the thesis Gangireddy brought his 60 GB hard disk and 512mb RAM desktop from home. For the first time in room everyone felt that we had something special with us. Then with urgency we fixed local Internet connection of unlimited usage plan. From then started the new exciting world of mine, by then I had finished my thesis collection and typing. Everyone in room were busy with their projects and I was enjoying something special in internet. It took me to the journey of blogger, twitter and most infectious thing “ FACEBOOK”.

Within this period of six months I virtually travelled different parts of world and met some exceptional brains. This made a huge mark on my thinking. Correspondingly THE HINDU too had its effect. Finally left Tiruchengode with 71.25% of marks and fear of “WHAT UP NEXT”.

Returning to home really pushed me on to the edge of fear. Everyone whom I know are well settled and had a clear stratergy for their future. Off course I know they are pretending but what can I do I am not that good actor. I started my expedition to Hyderabd where in the city of techies I learned chemistry.

By this I realized I am missing something most needed things to me i.e, GAdGETS.

          Yes I am equipped with the weapon, don’t worry I will not harm anyone. After a long time of anticipation I got a laptop in my hands nevermind whatever the pain it takes I will take to my side and make use of it. I swear.

hurdling life........

Hi..............

        I am bored all these days being totally living an unrelated life. My weird feelings on different aspects for all these days:

Let me say first that tragedy saga of my awaiting results came to a good end. I am passed. I don’t have any inhibitions over my first semester results because of mind boggling 80%.  And what else to do is “   ?   ”. Any way I am not going to care.  Let us pack my college discussions for some other time.

HIGGS BOSON revelation had been officially declared and now the whole team of CERN were very relaxed. After a long suspension from God Particle we have to see where the thoughts on evolution will head. At this point of juncture I want to recall the concept of Bertrand Russell’s, who always worried about corresponding growth of knowledge and wisdom. As this big project contributed by large number of scientists and invested some huge amounts for long period of time is going to coup with the pace of losing ethics in this world.

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Rajesh Khanna, the man who ruled bollywood with his only charisma and that everlasting smile is no more today with us. He was superstar of my childhood. Those days in Chandrapur when I was seven years old my Pappa took to a public meeting in Durgapur though a bit far from our house. It was fully covered with policemen and other special security people. Suddenly a police patrol sound was heard and everyone around me were alert as if they want to see the man in car which will be passing in front of them. Then my pappa shouted “Hey.....Rajesh Khanna.........”That was the moment I saw the first superstar of BOLLYWOOD.

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After an hectic schedule

Hi…… back after a long time, actually I was not that busy these days I was totally confused with myself. Now in PRRM college completed my successfull semester days i.e, four academic months. As I did my B.Pharm in Tamilnadu totally habituated to those annual examination pattern now in Andhra it is really tough and unbearable. I just want to say that these semesters are mere makers of human machines so called Indian Talent Pool with whom we can establish a large scale industries by giving daily wages and multinational B.P.Os throwing away decent salaries (cheap insense of Westerners ). These unused brains really have a high rate in the market. I don’t understand the concept these exams   “READING & REPRODUCING” and then Leave it… … … … and settle in some unrelated jobs as decently paid jobholders.

Within this there is a purpose of living in their lives “Live for ur next Generations”. So quit the job and try your luck on foolish citizens. Cheat them, deceive them anyway you will become rich because they are in very lage numbers. The sole formula of MNC’s for capturing Indian middle class, saying “Tumhara Bharath Mahan Hain.”  with age old branded branded marks.

Sorry  totally in confusion I want to say you that Life is not a race , nothing happens you lose, you fail, you fall----------------------------------------------------------------- ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Padmanabham Salla, earlier read two fictious novels each from each known languages and eight non-fiction stuff from his entire book reading interests. All these books were read based on its availability. But the only uncategorical 50 page "MAHAPRASTHANAM" was also made his account. Though not so fluent in understanding SRI SRI’s revolutionary poetry. Seen more as laziest youth, this SVCPian / 12.2% GPAT qualified is making India to sleep like never before.

               Padmanabham also reads OP-ED columns of leading English and Telugu newspapers, focusing on science and technology, national development based issues and few times Paul Krugman’s critics on United States administration.

               Padmanabham did nothing to devote his entire time to reading and make change happen in the country. He rather confused to be writer sometimes. He lives in hearts of many girls and waiting for the help of Nandan Nilekani to give Unique Identification Number to each girl.

               Still no girl dared to build any sort of relation not even ex-classmates and to have _____ ( few defining moments ).

Truly Bhagathised,

Padmanabham Salla.

sc…….ie………nc……e   I am not joking or not in any mood to kid with science. This is how I understand science, totally confused with many disconnections and unconnected dots. I am proud that I studied in convent schools went to corporate college and spent all of my father’s savings to be graduate (PHARMACIST) but still unable to find pursuit of happiness. I don’t know where I get it may be takes next ten years or more I don’t know.

            Some one said that science drives everything in this world I don’t know what science and theory lies behind my thinking. Yeah I wanted to know it.