REPUBLIC OF PADMANABHAM
Now I am free I don’t have any exam tensions or any classroom phobias. I am away from all these dustbin relations. I passed my first year M. Pharmacy exams and all I have to do now is, complete the project and runaway from here. It’s time to check my luck. I am prepared or not who cares already it’s late. I have to justify myself for choosing biology stream. How long hurdle days after intermediate were. Dreamt of something and chosen something else.
Joined intermediate with all expectations,
as if I am going to top that year. Nothing in mind only plans, that is all only
plans. Plans filled my box giving no space to allow the science. Days passed
planning all the time by then the damage had occurred. Given exams without
preparations accepted results without hesitation in view of the fact that
cannot go to day one and start out from the scratch to top. But I learnt to
browse and browsed everything which was not related to become a doctor. Finally
I found B.Tech Biotech, searched all possibilities in Google and decided to
join and make changes in basics of biology. This was my dream No. 2 after my
successful failure of topping the exam. Very quickly my destiny was written to
become a Pharmacist in Tamilnadu.
After shattered dreams one after
another I decided not to dream again and a major change seen in me in this
course of time was I lost belief in “god”.
It doesn’t mean it happened due to my disturbed career plans. It just happened,
to this date I think it was one of such things which had made all the
difference in me. My thinking was ordinary from then. Whatever the difficulties
use to be, I never felt something superpower will push me out of it like before.
My analysis of life was very systematic I wanted to refer back my way of
success if I succeed. Hence I use to recall the same thing of any happiness of
mine to track it again and again. This was my new psychic condition leading to
my next third failure, I didn’t given my 1st year exams well and I
thank *** for those grace marks I got. From then slowly everything seems to me
was O.K and handy. This four year course time was the real transition phase of
mine. I controlled my plans and given little space to science in my box.
Moreover I completely became ATHEIST. Then I realized the power in me was
myself.
Realizations are not answers for all
questions; life still tests your zeal to fight it. Exactly but tests are not to
fight they are to be answered. Due to my exultant failures I lost confidence
which is very much required to poor, average and imperfect masses like me.
Losing confidence also made the difference. My satire & attire were not
correlated. The reasons seemed out of reach. Lately came to know evaporating
reserves throws you insecure and uncertain.
